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The Magic of Place

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by Heather Newton, finalist of the 2019 W.S. Porter Prize for McMullen Circle

Every work of fiction starts with a question, and often that question is “what if?”

I grew up in Raleigh, spent time in Pittsburgh and Boston, but have lived in Asheville since 1992. Western North Carolina is the first place that ever truly felt like home. When I drive I-40 West after visiting my family in Raleigh and round that one bend where the mountains come into view, my heart leaps up. 

I bookended my McMullen Circle story collection with two short pieces from the point of view of a mountain. The “what if” of those pieces is what if the places we love love us back? What if, when my car rounds that bend on I-40, the mountain sees me and its heart leaps up?

Humans’ attachment to place is a mysterious thing. There’s no predicting what locale will take hold in a person’s heart. It might be where we came from, where we fled to, or a town or city or country that we stumbled upon on our way to somewhere else. Maybe a place where light hits water in a way that makes us ache. Maybe where we experienced comfort from people who loved us, or discovered who we were, or briefly became our best selves.

As a writer, I find that no matter what story I want to tell, I need to set it in a place I love (even if my characters don’t love it). I have to know what plants bloom in what season, how the locals speak, the color of the dirt. Sometimes that place exists only in memory, and the very act of remembering changes it.

McMullen Circle is set in North Georgia, an area I have come to love because my husband loves it. There, like Asheville, the Appalachian Mountains lift my mood and calm my stress. I am deeply grateful to Regal House Publishing for creating a home for these stories so that I can share them with you.

The mountain feels them walking on its surface. Their feet are part of its wearing down. Feet and wind and freeze and thaw and streams that carry its dust to the sea.

What place has your heart? 

Heather’s short story collection McMullen Circle was a finalist for RHP’s 2019 W.S. Porter Prize. Her novel Under The Mercy Trees (HarperCollins 2011) won the Thomas Wolfe Memorial Literary Award, was chosen by the Women’s National Book Association as a Great Group Reads Selection and by the Southern Independent Bookstore Alliance as an Okra Pick (“great southern fiction fresh off the vine”), and was long-listed for the 2012 SIBA Book Award and the American Library Association’s Over The Rainbow project. Her short prose has appeared in Enchanted Conversation Magazine, The Drum, Dirty Spoon and elsewhere.

How I Lost a Girlfriend in a Cave and Learned to Mine Empathy

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by Dan Kopcow, author of Worst. Date. Ever

Worst. Date. Ever. is a fiction short story collection about romantic dates gone horribly wrong.  As I sifted through my short stories to see which ones fit into this collection, it occurred to me that the narrator or main character in some of these stories was not always the one going through their worst date ever.   It reminded me that, as a writer, it’s good to let the reader figure out whom to empathize with.   

We immediately think of ourselves experiencing the worst date ever.  But keep in mind that there were times when we went on a date and caused someone else to have the worst date ever.  There were times in our life when we thought the date went fine but the other person never saw us again.  Perhaps, and unbeknownst to us, they may have had the worst date ever.  And we might have been the cause!

Many years ago, I was dating this woman and we decided to go on vacation together.  It was a tremendous test of our relationship.  For the first time, we would be spending every minute together, observing how we behaved in new situations, bathroom habits, the whole caboodle.  We  traveled to Montana and were having a wonderful time.  Then, we went to Jewel Cave National Monument.  

Jewel Cave

I don’t know if you’ve been but the trip involves driving for hours through prairies, with the mountains glaring down and judging you.  You arrive at a National Park office where you take an elevator about a mile straight down into the earth.  When the elevator doors open, the temperature has dropped and you are immediately aware of humidity and the fact that you are in another world.  A tour guide takes you through a roped-off path through some truly spectacular and colorful caves.  

When my date and I arrived back up to the surface, her coldness toward me matched the Jewel Cave temperature.  For the rest of the trip, she couldn’t wait to go home.  I never heard from her again.  And I couldn’t figure out what went wrong.  

A section of The Miseries

At the time of our trip, we were both in our thirties and she had been very clear that she was interested in having children.  In hindsight, after sifting through details, I pinned down the moment when things fell apart.  It happened a mile below the surface.  While on our family tour in Jewel Cave, we came to the end of our path, marked by some Do Not Enter signs.  Our tour guide told us this was as far as we could go.  We’d have to turn around and walk back the way we came.  The tour guide went on to explain that on the other side of the Do Not Enter signs was The Miseries.  The Miseries are a series of extremely narrow cave openings that only the most dedicated and experienced cave explorers dare to enter.  The openings are twelve to sixteen inches wide by two to three feet long.  You stuff yourself into this opening and slowly, painfully, shimmy your way through, sometimes a few inches an hour.  This goes on for some time while you get bruised and scraped in complete darkness.  For fun, The Miseries alters its claustrophobic openings from a vertical to a horizontal orientation.  It takes about half a day to get through The Miseries.  When you finally arrive through the other side, bloody and exhausted, you witness an enormous and glorious cave.  You camp out there overnight, aided by the camping equipment you have been dragging in a bag which has been tied to your ankle the entire time.  The next morning, you do the whole thing in reverse.

Worst. Date. Ever.

When the tour guide completed The Miseries description, I joked out loud, “Why don’t we send the children through there with cameras so they can show us what it looks like?”  The families held their kids close to them as if I were a serial killer.  My girlfriend, realizing I might not be ideal father material, was suddenly having the Worst. Date. Ever.

I think about that story as a writer and how, depending on whose perspective you’re following,  your empathy shifts and the story’s tone changes from comedy to horror.  My hope is that these stories entertain but also remind us to be more empathetic.  And to keep your mouth shut when you’re trapped a mile underground with strangers.

Dan’s stories have appeared in dozens of literary magazines nationally and internationally.  His short story, “Brain Takes a Sick Day,” was selected for inclusion in the Satirica anthology. His short story, “The Cobbler Cherry,” was included in the anthology, Thank You, Death Robot, which won an Independent Publishing Award for Best Science-Fiction and Fantasy and was named a Top Ten Fiction Novel by the Chicago Tribune.  He is currently at work on three novels.

The Evolving Narrative Theme: Swimming Pool Stories

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by Louise Marburg, winner of the 2019 W.S. Porter Prize for No Diving

When I began to write the stories that became the collection No Diving Allowed, I wrote as I always write, one story at a time, with no sense of working toward a theme or an audience or an eventual book. Chronologically, the first story I wrote was “The Bottom of the Deep End,” in which a swimming pool is so central it’s practically a character; the second was “Creamer’s House,” in which the swimming pool described was at first merely a feature of the house, then in rewrites gained greater significance. The next story,” Talk to Me,” is set at a beach resort, yet there, too, is a swimming pool, one that the protagonist longs to swim in but is thwarted in that wish — and in others — by her new husband. I don’t think I realized until “Talk to Me” that I had written three stories in a row that contained a swimming pool. Once I saw what I had done, I simply continued writing stories with the idea that a swimming pool might or might not appear, but if one did, I would consider that story a sibling of the other three. Yet, funnily enough, most of the stories I wrote did end up having swimming pools in them, and over the course of about three years what I thought of as “the swimming pool stories” grew very naturally. Never did I have to conjure a way to insert a pool, nor did I begin a story thinking about devising a plot around a pool.

A couple of years ago, I was talking to the late great short story author Lee K. Abbott at the Kenyon Writer’s Workshops. I described what was going on with this growing pile of stories, and he said, “I know what the title of the collection should be! No Diving Allowed!” Lee Abbott was masterful at creating titles, and I thought that was a great one, precisely apropos, but story collections are usually titled after a story within the collection, and I had not written, nor did I expect to write, a story called “No Diving Allowed.” Then a few months later, as I was writing a story in which a very fat man cannonballs into a country club pool, a lifeguard suddenly appeared out of nowhere screaming, “No diving allowed!” I sat back in astonishment. There was the title story of the collection. I wrote several more stories after that, but the title No Diving Allowed continued to seem as perfectly on point as when it was suggested by Lee.

Louise Marburg is the author of a previous collection of stories, The Truth About Me (WTAW Press, 2017), which was named by the San Francisco Chronicle and Entropy as a best book of 2017, won the Independent Publishers Book Awards Gold Medal for short story collections, and was shortlisted for the Saroyan Prize. Her work has appeared in such publications as Narrative, The Pinch, Carolina Quarterly, Ploughshares, and many others.

That’s My Story: Mandy-Suzanne Wong

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With what do you write? A computer? A pencil? A ballpoint/biro? Rollerball? Quill and the blood of virgins (male or female is fine, we’re all about equal opportunity at Regal)? A fountain pen (people who use a fountain pen get extra credit points)?

Regal House Publishing author, Mandy-Suzanne Wong

Ah, the fountain pen! All students at my British-modeled school were required to use blue fountain pens. Bloody hell, I loathed them. The cartridge running out when you need it most. The new cartridge vomiting all over your magnum opus. The horrible pink blotting paper. Ink all over your uniform, which would earn you a telling-off. Other children chewing the ends of their pens and winding up with disgusting blue teeth. How I longed for a biro! I faked my homework with my mum’s rollerball whenever possible. Now that I’m a professional writer with a professional writer’s income I scribble with whatever I can mooch for free, black biros given out at conferences preferred. But. How many plastic biros and biro refills must there be in the Great Atlantic and Pacific Garbage Patches? Have you ever wondered? According to Google, the most eco-friendly writing tool isn’t the biro or the computer but the hated fountain pen! It has to be a model that uses not disposable cartridges but an internal bladder which should not require replacing. However, it does require you to dip your pen in an ink bottle every once in a while, carefully squeezing ink into the bladder while not spilling it on your draft and hoping against hope that in the meantime your idea won’t sail clean out of your head never to return, and if your pen is on the asthmatic side, ink inhalation can take time. I have yet to solve the problem of eco-friendly writing in a way that satisfies my conscience. I have a terrible feeling I may never satisfy it.

We’ve all heard the advice that authors should “write what they know.” But fiction emerges from imagination and creation of new worlds. Do you feel a tension between what you’ve experienced and what lives only in your mind?

I’ve never found that advice particularly helpful. For one thing, none of us really knows much about anything. It’s questioning and wondering that make for good writing, not pretending to know it all. Even if I’d been groomed from birth to be a professional paper shredder, I wouldn’t know everything there is to know about being a professional paper shredder because I don’t know everything there is to know about being human. That very fallibility is essential to being human. We really don’t know much about ourselves. We know even less about other people. When characters run around shooting other characters or fling about sweeping generalizations, so sure of themselves that they never think to question their motivations—and much of the time it’s because their authors think they “know” that what they’re doing is justified by popular prejudices—well, as I reader I’m turned off, sometimes irreparably. Prejudices are not knowledge.

The idea that writers “write what they know” is misleading to readers too. My characters are not me. My characters’ families are not my family. I don’t write romans à clef. It is infuriatingly difficult to convince people of this. I’ve had to resort to asking aloud whether people really think that J.K. Rowling ever believed herself to be an eleven-year-old boy with magical powers—which I hate to do because people then assume I’m comparing my level of success to Rowling’s, and that is absolutely not the case—but it’s the only thing that seems to get the point across. Mind you, few people who offer to pray for me have actually read Drafts of a Suicide Note beyond the title. Someone offered to be my therapist (they’re not a therapist) on the assumption that, instead of raising difficult questions about the experience of depression, I already “know” it all and they “know” even better. When anxious, I just Add To Cart, books preferred. What could be healthier?

Who has supported you along the way? [or “The Hands of Aetna Simmons”]

Drafts of a Suicide Note has received some very special support in ways that are highly unusual for a novel of its kind. As far as I know, you can only die once; but Aetna Simmons has left behind ten suicide notes, all different: different voices, different looks, different inks and penmanships. Michelle Rosquillo, my truly magnificent editor at Regal House, suggested to the wonderful Editor-in-Chief, Jaynie Royal, that my wild dream of seeing Aetna’s documents rendered as illustrations—something I’d diffidently asked for but never dared to hope for—mightn’t be too wild after all.


Heather Kettenis and Mandy-Suzanne Wong at AWP

The cost of illustrations, however, was prohibitive. Jaynie suggested that I ask the photographer who’d taken my headshot if she might be able to help. Well, my photographer is my longtime bestie and soul-sister, Heather Kettenis. Heather has done papercraft, digital collage, and photography all her life. She’s also a hardworking physician. But she made the time to help to make my dream come true. We explained our idea and Aetna’s bizarre story to other artists who happen to have interesting handwriting, and they agreed to help as well. Rich Andrew, screenwriter and editor; Mark “Metal” Wong, breakdancer and performance artist; Kathryn Eddy, painter, collage artist, and sound artist: they became the “hands” of Aetna Simmons, some of her proliferous tentacles. I’d made up her words, they were already in my novel; the artists wrote them down in their distinctive ways; Heather photographed what they had written and made the images ready for print. She created more of Aetna’s documents on her own, using a combination of papercraft and digital techniques.

After that, Heather still had more to do. What image could possibly lend itself to the cover of a book called Drafts of a Suicide Note? Long story short: Rich, who’d read the manuscript, came up with an idea that Jaynie and Michelle and I refined in our minds. But how to execute it? Only one person we knew had the necessary skill and believed in the book enough to want to make it come to life.

I’ll never forget the afternoon Heather and I spent smashing pieces of my manuscript and photographing the balled-up scraps inside my piano bench. My job was to hold up black skirts and white tissue paper, absorbing and reflecting the Bermuda light as the sun moved slowly westward and Heather, bent over the camera on the tripod, said, “A little to the left . . .”

On my next birthday, my mom presented me with the actual smashed-up piece of paper that made it onto the cover, mounted in a black-box frame.

And the book? Well, it exceeds my wildest dreams.

Why are there so many Russian matryoshkas in Drafts of a Suicide Note? Those things are totally clichéd, and they’re probably symbols of reproductive fecundity, which couldn’t interest you less. What is up with the matryoshkas?

No matryoshkas appear in Drafts of a Suicide Note. But you’re right, I’ve been sort of mesmerized by Russian nesting dolls since I was a child. The best ones are unquestionably works of art, often painted by underappreciated women artists. But that’s not the main thing. I’ve spent some time staring at one of my favorite matryoshkas—a simple one with flowers—and wondering why I like these things, let alone find them mesmerizing. When you open the outer doll, which you do with a sort of splitting, not a twisting motion, there’s another doll inside with the same face. You open the inside doll, and there’s another one inside it with that same face. And so on. Yet you’re absolutely right that I’ve no interest in self-replication. I think the main thing is this. You break me open, but I’m still here. Break me again, but I’m still here, break me again and again until you reach the hard kernel at the very base of me that cannot be broken, that may have no resemblance to anything, and that is nonetheless still me. I think that’s what matryoshkas say to me.

What’s next for you?

I’ve got two novels in the works at the moment. One is still in its early stages, a novel about Ayuka Watanabe, the subsistence free-diver who stars in my fiction chapbook Awabi. The other I’m hoping to finish by the end of the year. Right now I’m calling it The Box. It’s a novel in six second-hand stories, each presented by a different narrator with a different voice and style, about a puzzle box that only some people can open as it’s lost and found and lost and found, changing hands again and again in a city that’s undergoing some strange effects of climate collapse. In no case is any narrator simply telling their own story; they’re telling stories they’ve heard from others. There’s no particular protagonist. It’s very experimental for me, really a lot of fun. The pay might leave something to be desired, but I do love my job.

Mandy-Suzanne Wong was the winner of the Digging Press Chapbook Series Award (Awabi, Digging Press, 2019) and the Eyelands International Flash Fiction Competition. Her work has also been shortlisted for the UK’s Aeon Award. Her stories and essays appear in The Spectacle, The Hypocrite Reader, Conclave, Sonic Field, Quail Bell, The Island Review, and several other venues. She is a native of Bermuda, where she’s writing a new novel and her first nonfiction book.

The Indie Book Scene: A Vibrant, Innovative Space

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Jaynie Royal & Pam Van Dyk at SIBA

RHP senior editor Pam van Dyk and I were in Spartanburg, SC, last weekend for the SIBA conference. It was marvelous to connect with a crowd of passionate bibliophiles from indie bookstores and other independent presses. The indie book scene is such a vibrant, innovative space, one that is propelled forward by those who care deeply about connecting readers with books – and that dedication was certainly on display at SIBA. It was our first year attending;  we were delighted by the warm welcome that we received, and we left with a renewed commitment (not that it had ever wavered) to find ways to support and promote our local indie bookstores that play such a vital role in our respective communities. It was exciting to be a part of the literary hubbub and to cheer on other indie presses that are beginning operations and to connect with and learn from those who are entering their second decade of successful operation.

Publishing can be a tricky business to navigate. In the first year or two of Regal House operations, I had innumerable questions and much to learn—not having entered the field via any conventional route—and Joe Biel of Microcosm Publishing in Portland was unstintingly generous with his time and advice (I highly recommend his recent book to any venturing into the publishing field: A People’s Guide to Publishing. I am inserting a link here directly to Microcosm’s website, since the very best way you can support an indie press is to purchase their titles directly from their website! Unless a brick-and-mortar bookseller is hosting an event – and then we would encourage you to attend their event, get a signed copy, and support your local bookstore!)

It has been five years now since the founding of Regal House Publishing, and I could not have imagined then the enterprise that we are now, with a nonprofit arm, two imprints, a dedicated editorial team, over ninety phenomenally talented authors in our RHP community, and titles being released all over the world. And in truth, ninety percent of that growth has transpired in just the past twelve months!

My strong feeling, half a decade down the line, is that our House must be built (for, indeed, the construction never ends!) on generosity and respect —with a generosity of spirit, as demonstrated by Joe Biel, to assist, nurture, and promote opportunities for others in the field, whether they be new to the publishing field or aspiring authors; and a respect for the awe-inspiring talent of the authors who populate our House, each of whom has labored many a year over the manuscript they entrust to us; a respect for our hard-working editorial staff who burn the midnight oil in advance of distribution deadlines and who unfailingly volunteer their time to work on our nonprofit Pact Press anthologies; a respect for our distribution partners, IPG, who work tirelessly to get our titles on to bookstore shelves; a respect for brick-and-mortar indie booksellers who are battling minimum wage hikes (without the option of raising product prices), price undercuts by Amazon, and the ever-pressing costs of overhead; a respect for our printing partners, McNaughton & Gunn, who work diligently to supply beautifully printed copies of our catalog, right here in the U.S. For they, too, like other printers nationwide, are battling hikes in the cost of paper, just as cheap printing rates offered by China lure business across the ocean; and a respect for debut authors who are sending out their literary everything, whose bravery astounds and humbles me on a daily basis.

The publishing industry, with all its knotted complexities, is not for the faint of heart, but I delight daily in being a part of it.

Jaynie Royal is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief at Regal House Publishing and the Director of Literary Outreach at Regal House Initiative. She is the author of the historical fiction novel, Killing the Bee King, and lives and works in the lovely city of Raleigh, NC, in company with her husband, three children, and a Great Pyrenees puppy called Max.

Authors Speak Out on America

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By Jan Alexander

This Thursday evening, Sept. 19 at 6:30, at Book Culture Long Island City, NY I’m going to be introducing a panel called Authors Speak Out on America, with three fabulous writers whose latest books shed light on what it’s like to be at the receiving end of  America’s most pressing social injustices.

Our own Loretta Oleck, who has a haunting poem called “Laya & Aseel” in Pact Press’s We Refugees, will talk about her work with people like the two girls she depicts at a Syrian refugee camp.

Melissa Rivera will talk about her new novel, The Affairs of the Falcons,  about an undocumented immigrant from Peru and the myriad Faustian deals  she has to make just to keep her children fed.

Roxana Robins, whose latest novel, Dawson’s Fall, is based on the true story of her great-grandfather’s crusading work for civil rights in the post-Civil War South, will talk about a time and place that laid the foundations for much of our present-day racism and obsession with gun ownership.

My own new novel, Ms. Ming’s Guide to Civilization, is set largely in China. So why am I bringing a panel of writers together to talk about America?

In part because my title character, a young writer named Ming, inhabits a China and a New York that have a lot of similarities. Both are full of people whose lives revolve around making money—lots and lots of money, as if they’re living in some primal fiefdom where you win the game if you can pile all your gold into a gilded tower and taunt the other 99 percent as they  scrounge for handouts below. Money bores Ming, who wants her life to revolve around the pursuit of truth and meaning. She has quixotic dreams of saving the world from banal greed.  If she’s kind of a Doña Quixote, she has a worthy Sancha Panza in her friend from the struggling-to-pay-the-rent side of Manhattan, Zoe.

In my novel Ming and Zoe meet a mysterious Chinese hermit who turns out to have some magical powers, and the three of them concoct a scheme to remake the world into what they’d like it to be—a paradise of knowledge and economic equality. I knew, even while I was laying the groundwork, that their utopia was going to backfire when human nature intervened. I didn’t know how much of the more-or-less complacent real life I’d led in the United States—granted, a complacency existed only if you were white—was about to blow up in my face on Nov. 8, 2016.     

I had pursued a graduate degree in Chinese studies and lived in Asia for a time as an alternative to that perceived American complacency. But I was back here by 2016, and suddenly everything seemed different; suddenly we live in a country that feels like an ad hoc experiment in the flip side of everything my characters defined as “civilization.” A country where a certain faction seems to believe refugees deserve to live in fear and squalor, undocumented immigrants deserve to be deported to the places they fled, people of color are a threat of some kind, if you’re poor it must be because you’re not working hard enough. In my most pessimistic moods I wonder if the writer’s mission to expose truth and meaning still carries weight—or are we headed for a future in which exposés are just entertainment and even hurricanes blow wherever a president’s whim decides to send them?

But then I think about how the whole planet is shifting in ways that will change the lives we’re accustomed to living, and how we need the kind of facts and fictions that help us understand our fellow humans and what they’re going through. That’s why I’ve been interviewing authors who write about the state of America in its infinite variety for Neworld Review, and why we’re having this panel. We won’t solve the country’s problems in one night, but we hope to shed some greater truths.  

Jan Alexander is the author of Ms. Ming’s Guide to Civilization, Getting to Lamma, and co-author of the nonfiction book Bad Girls of the Silver Screen. Her short fiction has appeared in 34th Parallel, Everyday Fiction, Neworld Review, and Silver Birch Press. She has written about business and travel for many publications and taught Chinese history at Brooklyn College.

Four Dead Horses

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Martin Oliphant had always hated horses. Their staggering stupidity. Their unexplained, unexpected, and ever explosive snorting. The way they twitched distinct patches of their skin to dislodge flies. The way they shied madly at the most innocuous occurrences: a golf umbrella at fifty feet; a leaf falling from, of all places, a tree; a bale of hay stacked exactly where it’s supposed to be stacked and had been stacked for the last month.

Martin Oliphant hated horses but he didn’t, it must be said, wish horses dead. It must be said because horses died around him. Died or almost died. At Martin’s hand or almost at Martin’s hand. And it was horses, dead ones mostly, that blazed the trail to his life-forging passion. Horses brought Martin to cowboy poetry, and horses, live ones mostly, were cowboy poetry’s central theme.

Opening lines of KT Sparks’ Petrichor Prize winning novel Four Dead Horses (Regal House, spring 2021)

KT Sparks

Regal House: So, as a debut author who no one has ever heard of, isn’t it a bit pretentious to start an interview quoting yourself? It’s not like you just finished penning Profiles in Courage.

KT: Oh, absolutely. But I’m a complete egomaniac. It’s why I’ve been able to start writing novels at my late age (I’ll be 116 when Four Dead Horses comes out). It takes a unique brand of self-focused tunnel vision to say to your family: “Yeah, I’m sure you all need college funds and health insurance and not to have your decrepit old mother showing up on your doorstep having blown through her retirement savings and needing a loan for a knee replacement. But the world is calling on me to lock myself in a trailer, drink an Olympic swimming pool of coffee, and send forth 300 pages worth of words on the subjects of folk literary arts, midwestern men, western values, and equine mortuary science.”

But that’s not why I wanted the book’s opening up top. It’s because, when you decide to title a book Four Dead Horses, you better be ready to explain quickly why that’s the case.

Regal House: Four Dead Horses is the story of a corpulent middle-aged Midwestern pet mortician who, despite hating horses and occasionally (and always unintentionally) contributing to their deaths, dreams of performing with the real cowboys at the Annual Elko Cowboy Poetry Confluence. Is the novel autobiographical?

KT: Well, I’m neither male nor in the business of burying animals nor residing in Michigan (any longer). And my BMI is in the normal range for a woman my age, though I’d love to do something about that visceral fat, but hormones, what are you going to do? The small town on the shores of Lake Michigan in which Martin is raised is based on my home town as it was in the early eighties, and Martin and I would have been at the University of Chicago around the same time (I’m sure he was in my Political Order and Change class). I also, much to my own surprise and like Martin, fell in love with cowboy poetry while writing the novel. I even went to the Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Elko, Nevada on which my fictional Annual Elko Cowboy Poetry Confluence is based. It was fantastic—cowboys (and cowgirls and Mexican vaqueros and Native Americans) with rodeo belt buckles the size of dinner plates and dents in their foreheads from bull busting in standing-room-only crowds straining to hear other identical cowboys (and cowgirls, etc., etc.) perform poetry. It was art integrated with real life and hard work and dusty open plains in a way you just don’t see on the literary circuit out East.

Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Elko, Nevada

Regal House: What led you to hone in on Martin Oliphant as a main character? Aren’t you afraid the sad-sack-Midwestern-white-guy-hero’s-quest market is already saturated?

KT: There’s always room for another entry in the poetry-spouting-pet-mortician canon, don’t you think? And I’m a sucker for a character who, despite relentless failure, pursues a completely improbable and inappropriate set of life goals. It’s funny (I hope) and also tragic in a particularly Midwestern way, the lengths to which Martin will go and what he’s willing to sacrifice to hitch his chuck wagon to an idealized vision of the West. He misses out on a lot of opportunities for a rich life at home in order to pursue a version of the American dream that probably doesn’t exist, and certainly not for him.

Regal House: So you’re saying Martin’s a MAGA-type?

KT: Absolutely not. He supports the arts! He’s with Hickenlooper all the way.

Regal House: OK then, what about the movie? Who plays Martin?

KT: Jonah Hill, no question about it. But he’d have to put the weight back on.

KT Sparks is a farmer living in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. Her short fiction and nonfiction have appeared in a numerous literary magazines. Her first novel, Four Dead Horses, won Regal House Publishing’s 2019 Petrichor Prize and will be published by that Regal House in spring 2021.

How to Write a Teacher Novel

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Become a teacher. You were always a writer. But Ronald Reagan is president; the world doesn’t need another Up the Down Staircase, To Sir with Love. People are making money. Nobody wants to read about your little public school problems.

Leave Minnesota and follow your wife’s career to Berkeley. Find some 8th graders in Oakland to teach. When your classroom starts to shake, run to the blacktop. Watch San Francisco burn across the Bay. When a bullet comes through your window, call the police. When they show up the next day, take comfort when the cop says, “Don’t worry, they weren’t shooting at you. It was just random gunfire.”

Follow your wife’s career to New York City. Try to find some 8th graders they will let you teach. Really, really try. If you can make it there, they say. Learn from your students about Tupac and Biggie and Suge. Edit their pieces entitled “They Robbed Our Bodega Again” and “Meet My Brother’s Pit-bull, Rage.” Watch them dance the merengue. Tell them stories about your Midwestern childhood, chasing fireflies in the dark. Laugh when they say, “Yo, that’s like in a book. You should write that down.”

Read a memoir by a New York City school teacher, a skinny Irish guy with bad teeth, about his mother’s ashes. Start to think about your stories. You are a New York City school teacher. You are skinny and Irish and have bad teeth. You have a mother.

Follow your wife’s career to Boston. Teach the children of the pale and affluent. Learn about lacrosse and dressage and eating disorders and cruises to St. Thomas. Take pleasure in driving through the wooded hills of New England suburbia, past Robert Frost’s stone fences. Edit your students’ astonishingly well-crafted stories. When they ask if you have written any short stories, resent their impertinence, then take up their challenge.

When their parents offer to send you to a writing camp called Bread Loaf, panic, then thank them. Relax when you realize Robert Frost is no longer there to judge you. Rejoice when you are placed in the workshop of a young woman named Egan, who looks like a model and is the smartest person in a roomful of smart people. Rejoice again when she reads aloud a scene from your teacher story and says, “That is so funny, that’s as good as it gets.” (Remember those words: you will live off them for fifteen years). Despair when she adds, “But that ending has to go, it just doesn’t work.” Question her judgment; that ending is brilliant.

Go home. Put your teacher story in your bottom desk drawer. Take it out six months later. Note that that Egan lady was correct and the ending still doesn’t work. Change the ending. Send your teacher story out into the world. Get it published. Write other teacher and non-teacher stories. Get rejected. Get accepted. Get rejected.

Reread your first teacher story. Realize that it is bigger than you thought; it holds multitudes. Panic when you realize it wants to be a novel. Breathe: Barack Obama is president now; perhaps the world is ready for another teacher novel, a different teacher novel.

Spend a decade of summer vacations writing, rewriting your teacher novel, in your basement, in coffee shops, at an arts colony in the Adirondacks, spinning out your gritty New York City tale beside a blue mountain and a blue, blue lake. Finally, send your teacher novel out into the world.

Open an email. Read the second paragraph first, which sounds like rejection: It was a very tough decision. Read further: You have been selected as a finalist for the Petrichor Prize. Consider the possibility that you have, at sixty-one, secured a position in a Russian ballet company. Read the opening of the email, disinter the lead: We would be delighted to publish your novel, Class Dismissed.

Make reservations for yourself and your wife (whose career you are no longer following) at The Painted Burro. Order two margaritas, light on the salt. Then order one for your wife.

Regal House Publishing is delighted to bring you Kevin McIntosh’s novel, Class Dismissed, finalist for our 2019 Petrichor Prize, in 2021.

Kevin McIntosh‘s short stories, many dealing with the teaching life, have appeared in the  American Literary Review, Beloit Fiction Journal, Chicago Tribune, Jabberwock Review, Potomac Review, and elsewhere. Stories conceived during residencies at Ragdale and Blue Mountain Center were nominated for Best New American Voices and the Pushcart Prize. By George!, Kevin’s musical biography of the Gershwin brothers, was produced at his alma mater, Carleton College, and given a staged reading at the Playwrights’ Center in Minneapolis. He continues to write and teach writing in Greater Boston.